It Was His Fault
by LittleRedOne
Summary: Everyone tried telling him he wasn't to blame, it was her decision, its not like he forced the pills and whiskey down her throat. Shess. Shane's POV. Follow up to 'Rest of Her Life' which was Tess's POV. Could be read alone.


**A/N:** This is a follow up to _Rest of Her Life_. It's Shane's reaction/thoughts to Tess's death. It could be read on it's own, but it's better with both sides, so maybe after you read this you can check that out too if you haven't.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any characters or places you recognize from Camp Rock. Their characters may be tweaked a bit, but hopefully not too much.

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He sat in a bar, the same he'd been to each night this week, drinking his sorrow. He needed to wrap his head around this, come to terms with it. And as the liquid burned down his throat he just grinned. He couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe it.. She was gone, dead. She left no note, no sort of explanation. Still, he knew it was his fault. Everyone tried telling him he wasn't to blame, it was her decision, its not like he forced the pills and whiskey down her throat. It didn't matter what they told him though. He had a gut feeling that it was his fault. He'd been spending less time with her and more with Mitchie. Mitchie, the girl who broke his heart. When she came calling, wanting him back, he foolishly went to her. If only he hadn't… If only he'd realized before it was too late. He didn't though, and it was too late. She was already gone, and nothing he could do would bring her back.

He had been surprised when he took her on their first date and had such a good time. He was just looking for a way to move on from Mitchie and knew he needed to get back into dating, and she was there, and she said yes. She was so different then he'd ever thought she'd be. He had had so much fun with her; it was different then when he'd been with Mitchie. Mitchie had been safe fun, innocent fun. Tess was dangerous fun, rule-breaking fun. He just wanted to keep spending more and more time with her. He'd stop by to take her out to lunch when ever his schedule was free, and if it weren't he'd send her flowers and things instead, which he hadn't even done with Mitchie before. She was always on his mind and he wanted her to know it. He got along with her mother and she got along with his family. Surprisingly, his sister liked her more than she had Mitchie, which everyone thought was an impossible feat.

And then Mitchie came back to him, claiming she loved him and missed him and wanted him back. "Just give me another chance. Please? I know we can make this work. I was stupid to think Nate could replace you. No one can ever replace you." And he momentarily forgot all about what he felt for Tess. Because Mitchie, his Mitchie, wanted him back. He started hanging around her more, taking her to lunch, dinner, anywhere he could. He'd send her the flowers he'd once sent to Tess. His free days were spent dropping by to see her instead of Tess. He was such a fool.

He was out with Mitchie the night she did it, which just made him feel all the more guilty. He had known something was wrong, something bad was going to happen, was happening, but he had no idea it'd be this. If he could have only realized… he should have been with her. He shouldn't have been out with Mitchie. He knew that's what this had to do with. He knew it was his fault. If he'd just been there for her, for his girlfriend instead of sneaking around, or not really, with his ex. This could have turned out differently. She could still be here, with him.

When he got the call that she was in the hospital and only just alive his heart nearly stopped. It was much later that night and he was curled up with Mitchie at her apartment watching a movie. He'd jumped off the couch, ignoring her calls asking what happened and was out the door in seconds. She'd followed him out, trying to get an answer and he just shook his head at her. Tess, his Tess, was in the hospital, very possibly dying, maybe dead by the time he got there. He'd never cared less about Mitchie then he did in that moment.

He raced to the hospital, breaking several rules of the road and ignoring the angry honk of horns as he cut off various cars to get there faster. His girlfriend was dying. Didn't these people know that? Couldn't they see this was an emergency? He'd finally made it to the hospital and parked in the first spot he saw, not caring that he'd be towed if he stayed there more than fifteen minutes. He raced inside. "Tess Tyler!" he'd screamed frantically at the receptionist. "Where's Tess Tyler?" She gave him directions and he was off flying to the elevator and through the halls to find her. He'd burst through the door to her room, not caring that he might be interrupting something.

She was alone in the room. There were no doctors tending to her, no grief-stricken parents crying over her bed, not even a single friend worriedly standing in the corner. For the second time that night his heart just about stopped. She looked so, so not like her. He couldn't even describe it. He moved closer, watching her chest rise and fall slowly, the breaths coming seemingly too far apart. The beep in the heart monitor was slow, the lines not quite reaching up as high as he was sure they should. He'd reached the side of her bed, reaching out to grab her hand. He frowned as he felt the unnaturally cool skin.

"Tess," he had said. "Tess, baby, can you hear me? What happened? What'd you do baby?" He'd stopped there, like he had been expecting an answer. His voice had been thick with emotion when he'd spoke next."Please tell me you'll pull through this," he'd whispered. "You're stronger than this. I know you can make it through this. You have to make it through. I need you to come back." He paused again, hoping his words would have caused some sort of reaction, if anything her heart rate seemed to slow even more, if that were possible. "Please baby, don't leave me. I'm so sorry. I've been an idiot. I just," his voiced cracked and he tried to regain some control over it before speaking again. It didn't work. "I was so caught up in old feelings. Please. I don't want to be with Mitchie anymore. I don't want to lose you. Please don't go." Tears lined his eyes as he said his next words, the words he'd never spoken to her before now, the ones she'd never hear. "I love you, Tess. I love you."

He'd stayed at her side whispsering to her, pleading with her. He didn't move from her side when a nurse came in to check on her. And he didn't move when the doctor came in next, explaining she'd taken too many sleeping pills and combined with the alcohol they were slowing her body down to an impossible rate. She wouldn't be able to make it if it slowed any more; she was only just hanging on now. He'd simply nodded, knowing she wouldn't make it. And knowing it was his fault. He'd stayed with her until the end, until her chest fell for the last time and her heart stopped beating.

And so as he sat there huddled over his drink, dressed in black with red-brimmed eyes, he couldn't help but to blame himself. He relived the memory over and over, drinking more and more after each heartbreaking ending, until the memory stopped coming. He drank his memories away until he couldn't remember it anymore, couldn't remember anything. And then he was happy because, if only for the night, he could forget. He was just a carefree man.

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**A/N:** I really like this one. It was a new way for me to write Shane. And I like how he turned out. Well, if you ignore the drunken mess part and all that and concentrate on the caring, concerned Shane in the hospital room...


End file.
